Summer Fun

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School starts for us in about two weeks so my family is trying to soak up the last couple days before all of the chaos starts back up. Actually, it’s been somewhat of a chaotic summer as well (haha) with all of our trips and what not. But it’s been a blast spending time with our friends and family.

I’m excited to be officially transitioning into middle school (although that means more stuff to lug in my backpack the first day). I’m not sure about my siblings, but I know I’m going to have a rude awakening when it comes to getting up in the morning!

I hope everyone’s been having a fabulous summer so far; Here are some of my favorite memories!

My sister and I on our trip to Kentucky
My siblings, cousins, and I on 4th of July
My little sister at the park
Flamingos at the John Ball Zoo

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An Apology

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LOTR MenI have seen the “more LOTR men, please” post shared several times, and most often it comes in form of a lament from women – young ones especially – that there are no men like this.  (I am sorry to confess that there have been moments of despair where I have mourned the same.)  Or the sharing includes derogatory comments about the character of men and their inability to meet this standard in the real world.

But as a woman, and a young one at that, I am saying that I know these men.  I know young men of such gracious honor and steady valor.  I know men whose gentle hearts are their keenest strength, whose gentleness makes others great (Ps. 18:35).  Men of strong arms, strong minds, strong convictions, and strong dreams.  Men who are faithful beyond the point of pain because they know no other way to be.  Men who are as quick to weep over deep sorrows as to step boldly to the defense of others.  Men who are humble leaders.  Men who pursue what is right over what is easy, what is just over what is safe.  Men who live out the reality of “greater love has no one than this, to lay down one’s life for his friends” (Jn. 15:13).  Men with wild hearts full of all the adventure for which they are created, that siren-call of the Wilderlove deep within them.  Students, soldiers, doctors, musicians, pilots, athletes, politicians, businessmen, waiters, leaders, engineers, educators – many titles they hold, and in many places they are found.  I have had some of these men in my life and heart for always, some I have met in the past few years, and some I met even this summer.

As a young woman, this is my apology to you, my brave hearts, for the times when women have not called out your gifts, honored your strengths, treasured your gentleness.  This is my apology for the women who were faithless and shattered your freely-given hearts.  I know you would never have let go, never left, never turned wandering eyes elsewhere.  This is my apology for the mean girls who were willing to degrade your masculinity even while feeling entitled to your best attentions.  This is my apology for the times when my self-beliefs of “too much” and “not enough” overcame my kindness and caused me to push you away.  This is my apology for the ways we knock you down or watch you in your weakest moments and turn away rather than place our hands in yours and forge ahead faithfully.  This is my apology for the toxic femininity that we at times embrace because we don’t know our own gifts – a false femininity that steals from your masculine strength to bolster our own sense of identity.  My brave hearts, of these lies and wrongs I repent on behalf of women and on behalf of my generation.

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You need never adventure alone, brave heart. Credit: imgrumweb.com

My mighty men of valor, you are seen.  I watch the paths of honor you walk, far from the public eye.  I weep with your cries of confusion when the faithfulness of humankind has failed you utterly, and I rejoice as you draw on the deepest wells of strength within you to rise again.  I see the wounds of loss that have ravaged your gentle hearts – and the healing you find beyond the pain.  I watch as you rebuild precious things that have been broken, as you wrestle with your anger over the evils you have witnessed.  I notice as you fight for peace when all around you crumbles violently, when you are shuddering with the shock.  I look on with pride as you pioneer into the unknown, compelled by the belief that the best is always yet to come.  Wild ones, you are seen.

To women, it would be an easy route to simply say that, if you do not known these men, you need to fill your life with better men.  That would be ridiculously easy to say, but I refuse to make that proclamation.  Rather, I will say this, both to women and to men needing other men of valor surrounding them:

If you do not know these men, you need to start looking at the men around you differently.

Are you expecting these men to reveal themselves upon white steeds, clad in shining armor?  Are you expecting them to find you?  Are you expecting them to offer the vulnerable wilds of their adventuresome hearts for your initial inspection?  There may be signs – there usually are – of these mighty men of valor.  But you need to learn how to see them, beyond your assumptions and expectations.  My mind conjures in an instant the gentle-hearted men of honor I know – and the people who have dismissed them, left them behind, refused to come alongside in their pursuit of the dreams burning within them, selfishly used and crushed their amazingly wild hearts.  There is scarcely a fury more fierce that I have known than that of seeing mighty men of valor ready to rise then crushed by those around them, reduced through word or deed or faithless selfishness to lost boys, stripped of the honor and strength they rightly carried.

It must be added, in the spirit of true repentance, that if women are seeking these mighty men of valor in their lives, they must become the mighty women of valor who raise these men up and stand alongside them.  My brave-hearted sisters, if you would seek Samwise, Eomer, Aragorn, Faramir, and Gandalf to stand with in this life, you must be bold enough to be Rosie; to be Arwen, Eowyn, Galadriel.  You must be the type of woman who knows and operates in your own strengths and gifts – and raises those around you to standards of excellence in all they are created to be.  If you cannot be Arwen, do not expect to see Aragorn waiting for you.  If you cannot be a mighty woman of valor, do not expect you will suddenly find yourself surrounded by mighty men of valor (or such women, for that matter).  If you cannot hold your joy in the waiting, cannot remain in faithfulness, cannot be fiercely gentle and love in kindness, cannot make any and every sacrifice on behalf of another, cannot stand in the gap where the need is greatest – if you possess not these traits, you will not be prepared to see men of such valor.  For Christian women, the ideal of being a “Proverbs 31 woman” is pressed often.  Do you know the literal translation of the idea of a virtuous woman or wife, of this amazing feminine standard of grace and glory?  In Proverbs 31 (and in 12:4), this is most correctly translated “a woman or wife of valor; a woman of excellence.”  This exemplary woman is wise and fierce, ensuring that the needs are met — and then reaches farther to meet more.  A relentless, passionate woman of strength and dignity, honor and faithfulness.  A woman who knows the worth of others because she knows her own.  Being daughters of the Most-High King, we are designed as mighty women of valor and excellence – this should be an exciting revelation and an encouraging mandate!  We are designed in this fashion to complement and sustain the mighty men – and to do the same for one another.

It is not about perfection but about truly seeing one another in the glory and excellence for which we are created.

This is my apology to you, my mighty men of valor, and here is my promise.  For my brothers by blood and by heart, for my friends, for my father and uncles and cousins and grandfathers, for my students and colleagues, for the husband I will one day marry, for the sons I will raise and all the generations of sons to come: my promise to you is that I will see you, I will speak to your strengths, and I will release your wild hearts to adventure. 

To all my brave hearts: run wild, love fiercely, hold steady in faithfulness. As sons of the Most-High King, you were created for honor and valor – this is your inheritance, your right, and your mandate.  No one can strip this identity from you, mighty men of valor.  You are free to be relentless, to be full of adventure, to be faithful, to be men of honor because you know how you are created: “Brother” by Kodaline.  Hold on, brothers, my brave hearts.

Kentucky Vacation!

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Here we go again! I haven’t posted since our last vacation and it’s about time for another one! Last summer we made a trip to Vermont with some of the family on my mom’s side. We decided to go with some more family and take a trip to Kentucky. We’re leaving tomorrow so I apologize if this post is kind of rushed, but I’m really excited for this trip and wanted to write about what I’m looking forward to. We’re planning on leaving earlier in the morning so everyone got a head-start on their packing. I’m most excited about staying on the lake. There’s some of us that are hoping to rent a pontoon boat so long as the weather behaves!

I also wanted to share about the cute little things that I’m excited to take on this trip. I had to bring this cute little purse and white wallet along and I think they’re perfect for summer! I also love my tiny collection of sunglasses. I came across the bottom pair a few days ago on sale at Kohl’s and decided that they were totally cute!

I’ll definitely make sure to post this summer and I hope you have some incredible vacations to look forward to as well!

Hold the Storm

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“Lord, I want to feel again!” – this has been my ongoing conversation with the Lord for the past two years.  Anyone who knows me knows that I am passionate – about (I should be explicitly honest) everything in the way I approach life and people.  Yet 2017 found me utterly…missing.

Missing: Have You Seen ME?

Numbness is often correlated with shock.  Our bodies are most amazingly designed with a physiological fail-safe to become “numb” when confronted with situations or sensations too intense to process in the moment.  When something is overwhelming, the neurons that signal our bodies with different sensations and instructions to act simply stop sending signals because we don’t have the capacity to handle so many messages at once.  In the face of intensity, our bodies shut down the “feeling” parts.  This is numbness, and it can act as a physical, mental, and emotional shield that protects us in moments of intensity.  Numbness happens when people experience hypothermia and frost-bite: too much cold, and the human body ceases to feel the chill.  Numbness protects people, especially small kids, from environments that are over-stimulating (physically or emotionally) by causing them to “zone out” or ignore various situations.  In trauma and grief, numbness can allow persons to distance themselves from the situation(s) and even continue carrying out normal activity.  And, my dear friends, in caving to a challenging season, I went completely numb.

“I don’t know” was my go-to response – and I actually didn’t know; I didn’t know what I wanted, how I felt, whether I was okay.  I really didn’t know; I couldn’t tell.  It wasn’t that I didn’t care.  The problem was that I didn’t even know whether I cared – and that terrified me.  Or maybe it didn’t – I wasn’t sure.  Robotic, mechanical, functioning on autopilot – no terms are too strong for what it was and none, I assure you, are flattering in the least.

Numbness is a coping mechanism, but it is not a solution.

Oh, I was in deep hiding.  I was so far gone that, by the time I realized, I wasn’t certain I could find my way back from the nothingness.  That was a fearful thing, as I consider it now.  If there is anything I am most terrified of after that, it is to be numb again.  It was a separation, a chasm of nothingness, a consuming void – and I could see no light.  Separation from hope, from light, from Jesus – that is hell.  And I had chosen it – in my pain, in my confusion, I surrendered to the void.  I glimpsed that hell.  Sweet Jesus, never again – never again.

Yet even when I would have hidden, when I chose the nothingness, my Savior did not abandon me.  We are never too far gone for Him to rescue and redeem (Psalm 139:7-12).  And He alone knows how much I needed to be rescued, how deep was the scoring of my wounds, how my thoughts writhed in a turmoil of hopelessness.  For me, the freedom from this void came only when I was finally willing to admit it: I was furious, and I was hurt.  Both feelings were legitimate, honest, and even right – but it was not right for me to either keep or hide them.  It is okay to be angry – it is not okay to stay angry.  It is okay to hurt – it is not okay to stay hurting.  These were truly my feelings, but with no acknowledgement or centering peace to give perspective, they became parasites, feeding on my life.  In my nothingness Jesus met me; even in my hiding, He knew where I was.  He knew my need.  “We finally have our Sabra back,” my family wept with relief as I wept to purge the nothingness that had hollowed me for so very long.

I have spent these two years recovering my feeling.  And, if I may be forthright, it is painful.  It can be agony to feel so deeply and thoroughly.  Like a numb limb regaining feeling, there are the pricking stings of lifeblood flowing freely again.  From deadening numbness to full feeling – in His kindness I am healing from my hiding and from my wounds.  There are times when it is so tempting return to my hiding in the nothingness – or equally tempting to cast myself on the raging sea of emotions and be swept away.  How does one control such wild emotion, such feelings and sensations, the pain and the passion?  I do not want to hide, but do I want to feel?  Am I brave enough to feel again?

One of the people most dear to me shared wisdom.  This friend of mine knows what it is to feel, more than most people ever imagine possible.  We were discussing my role as a counselor in this context, how I work with kids in helping them build the skills they need to be emotionally and relationally healthy.  What is the truth, then, that I can speak over my kids?  What should we be speaking to ourselves?  “Deal with it” – yes, but how?  How do we learn?  In the end, it always comes back to one answer, the Truth: Jesus.  My friend spoke of a story…

Jesus sails aboard a boat in the middle of the Sea of Galilee with his disciples.  Under the strength and skill of the disciples – many of them professional fishermen – they have navigated to this point.  With sudden fury an unexpected storm arises, its wild might threatening to consume the small vessel and its passengers.  What can be done?  Even these avid fishermen are powerless – and utterly terrified.  If anyone should have been able to embrace this storm, it is these men – these men who can now do nothing except panic.  “Jesus,” they beg their sleeping Master, “Jesus, we are perishing.”  Why he isn’t panicking with them?  Can there be any salvation in this place of relentless fury?  Yet Jesus is not overwhelmed, for even this fury does not prevail against him.  Why are his disciples worried?  Where is their faith?  Has a storm stripped it from them?  And Jesus speaks stillness to the fury: the wind calms and the waves gentle immediately.  “Peace, be still,” he says, and there descends a perfect peace.  They are still in the sea.  There is still a journey to complete, but now they do it in awed awareness of the Storm Master.  Yes, even wind and waves obey the voice of Jesus.  (See Mark 4:35-41; Matthew 8:23-7; Luke 8:22-25.)

Approaching the Storm…We all have times when we are caught off-guard by emotional storms.  Storms, storms – I could hide, or I could battle it from the boat – are those my only options?  Hiding from the storm was not the answer.  I tried to stay ashore and avoid the storm – but the cost of the nothingness, the hiding, was more than I was willing to pay.  I also was still shy of the raging storm – its wildness was shocking, and I do not like the lack of control (which was especially disconcerting when I had so long prided myself on my self-control – ha!).  I prefer to focus on things that seem to be within my control – and when I do, I miss the deeper answers that God is providing.  Like the disciples, I try to use my strength and skill to solve my problems – then wail in desperation when the fury of the sea is overtaking me.  I continue to wrestle with the sails and oars of my boat when I should be asking Jesus to simply calm the storm.  I look for my control within the boat, while Jesus is standing ready to provide an encompassing peace.  That is the alternative to the hiding and the striving.  The storm is not to be feared, nor is it to be conquered by sheer force of will.

So what did my dear one say?

Embrace the storm, and let Jesus calm it.”

There is power in the storm, but only Jesus can steady this fury into peaceful strength.  Hold the storm, storm-child; you were made to feel.  I want to know the fullness of God’s heart toward me – and that is no tame shore.  The winds and wild waters exist, but God’s Word is a greater reality: “Peace, be still” (Mark 4:39).  Do not fear the storm; do not fear the feeling.  Hold the storm, storm-child, for you are created for the fullness of it. 

These are the words that God spoke as the peace into my storm:

You feel, but I AM.

And then there was stillness…

This is the reality of embracing the storm, of letting Him be the peace that stills and steadies.  Through it all, He remains I AM.  What would it look like, dear hearts, to chase the storm instead of fearing it?  What would it look like to embrace the heights and depths of emotion in raw honesty, knowing that He is our peace?  What would He speak to us as we stand in the storm and let Him become our stillness, our centering Peace?

Emotions are a gift that allow us to glimpse our Creator-God’s heart toward us, to see as He sees, to take hold of our glory in being made in His image (Genesis 1:26-27).  This is not so that we give in to whims of wayward emotions but so that we relinquish our fear of seeing the full glory in how God made us.  Emotions are true – we truly feel them – but they don’t always tell us the Truth, which is why we need to allow Jesus to be our Storm-Master. Let us feel, my friends.

Hold the storm, storm-child, for the Master of the storm is holding you.

We are not abandoned to the fury.  No more hiding.  No more striving.  Give up your shore and give up your oars.  Embrace the storm and let Jesus calm it.  Let Him speak to and through the storm that you might find fullness in how you are made, for He has declared His creation “very good,” knowing all of you even when you were but a dream and a plan in His heart, not yet born into the world (Genesis 1:31; Psalm 139:13-18).

Perhaps you are emotionally numb now.  Perhaps you are traversing your own terrifying nothingness, seeking your way back to feeling.  Perhaps you know what it is to feel so intensely that the emotion threatens to drown you or that others cringe away from your “outbursts.”  Perhaps you are endeavoring to understand someone who is coping numbly with pain or who startles (even disturbs) you with the intensity of their feeling.  Wherever you are in your seeking and your feeling, remember this, brave hearts:

Revel in wind and waves, for you are in the care of the Storm-Master.

Emotions are a gift from God.  To feel and to grow means that we are alive.  When we cease to feel and grow, we are dead.  Only living things grow.  Only living things feel.  And our God never, ever leaves us alone in the hiding or the feeling.

You are not “too much” for God.  I am not “too much” for Him.  He can handle the fullness of our emotions.  He has given us this beautiful, wild capacity, and He is not afraid of it.  He is not overwhelmed or shocked by our feeling.  He is not disgusted by it, nor by our needing or hiding.  In our feeling, He stills the storm.  In our needing, He does the filling.  In our breaking, He is the Healing.  In our hiding, He does the finding – because He always knows precisely where we are.  He never abandons, beloved.

Hold the storm, storm-child.  Let Jesus, the Storm-Master, still your waters and calm your winds.

Florida Trip

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I haven’t posted in a couple weeks because our family took sort of a last-minute trip to Florida to visit a couple family members. We had tons of fun with the family and stayed with our aunt. We also did a couple things like going to antique stores and made sure to hit up the pool and Clearwater beach of course! I must say I lucked out when it came to clothes! We went down to John’s Pass and ate at the most delicious pizza place (It was so good). As I said before, we did take a few trips to antique shops but these were some of my favorite ones (Picture shown below). We found some really fun things and my mom bought a beautiful figurine at our last stop! We stopped by Bealls Outlet a couple times and found some things there. My favorite thing was hanging out with the family and going out to do fun things together! I’m sorry to say we lost a family member close to us just a couple weeks ago and he will be missed by many. We love you grandpa!


3 Ways I Style my Nine-West Flats

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Forever21 sweater, cropped pink jeans, Nine-West flats, black camera
Black dress, old magazine, Nine-West flats, rose gold bracelets
White sweater, denim jean skirt, Nine-West flats, multiple blue bracelets

I recently found these multicolor Nine-West flats; They’re so comfy and colorful and make a great edition to my wardrobe! I decided to put together three really fun outfits to wear with these shoes and hopefully these pictures inspire you to play around with your outfits too. I love statement shoes and think that they look super cute when paired with a simple top and bottom. I do tend to add brighter colors and prints with a shoe like this (making sure that the whole outfit doesn’t look to busy). I hope everyone has a blessed week and a great day!

It’s A Winter Wonderland!

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I feel so bad because I haven’t posted in so long! We’ve been really busy and have much more to do throughout these next couple months. We didn’t have a lot of really nice weather; It kind of went from rainy to snowing. This week it’s supposed to be so cold and has snowed so much here in Michigan that most everything (including the mall) has been closed for the day.

It’s snowed so much to the point that we’re practically snowed in at our house. Yet our driveway has been shoveled multiple times. So I figured I’d make a day of it and start blogging about what’s been going on and of course, include a comfy winter outfit!

#SnowDay #KeepCalmAndDrinkCoffee

Our holiday’s have been really fun and we’re excited for my school dance-party in February. Shortly after, I’m looking forward to selling my fashion illustrations at a craft fair. We then have plans to make a trip to Florida for spring break which means new swimsuits and going to the beach nonstop!

This outfit is comfy and casual and it’s really warm which I love not to mention will need in this weather! I’m pretty much just wearing this around the house but just in case we had to go out, it’s cute and presentable.

I hope all of you had happy holidays and are very blessed this new year!

Need to Breathe

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This past season felt like an eternity.  Not the season of summer, which passes all too quickly in northern climes, but rather this past season of life.  Too often my cry, both to God and to the people around me, was, “I feel like I can’t breathe, like I’m drowning and there isn’t enough air.”  Can’t breathe.  Stuck, trapped, suffocating.  It was one of those times in which everything – literally, everything – seemed to fall apart in every area of my life.  Nothing felt secure.  Truly, I think everyone has those moments or feelings or circumstances, yet the deepest lie is always that we are alone in our suffering.  This is not the place for details, because those are no longer my focus, but you likely understand the niggling feelings of isolation and “drowning” from your own experiences.  In my desperation all I could whisper to God was, “Hold me; I can’t breathe.”

In our thirst for adventure, our longing to fill the empty places inside ourselves, sometimes we turn to thrill for coping with what we cannot understand.  We become thrill-seekers on the hunt for the next breath-stealing wonder.  We actually seek out things that “take our breath away” because it gives a rush of pleasure, or adrenaline, or even a fleeting sense of hope.  The truth of this thrill, though, is that after it steals our breath, it tends to leave us hollow, waiting for the next rush of a breathless moment.

Circumstances, situations, people, our own feelings – these can all steal our breath, be it for a moment that seems to hold awe or for a too-long stretch that leaves us suffocating.  As I walked through my own season of breath-crushing moments – pain squeezing too tightly, panic weighing too heavily, and hopelessness too ready to take up residence – I began to recognize something utterly precious:

We are created for life, and life requires breath.

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When did you last stop to simply breathe in the sweetness around you?

I was not made for breathless moments or having my “breath” stolen by fear or pain; I was made to breathe, freely and fully.  Genesis 1 describes how God put His breath into mankind at the beginning of creation.  Before God breathed His life into Adam, Adam was nothing more than dust, hollow and ready to be filled with what only God could give.  Adam’s frame needed the breath of God in order to truly be alive.  To be flesh and bones is not enough; we need the breath of life – physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  You and I are designed for breath, dear hearts.  It is part of who we are, yet too often we don’t notice this life-breath until we suddenly realize it is absent.

I couldn’t breathe emotionally or spiritually, and it’s terrifyingly amazing how that panicked desperation can trigger similar feelings in a physical body.  I was looking for breath in all the wrong places, and in doing so tied my heart and mind to relationships, situations, and even roles that stole my breath.  These ties seemed to steal my zeal to rise each new day to live and love well – to steal my very life.  Suffocating.

Allow me to explain my three breath-stealers.  Relationships can be the most agonizing and most subtle of these thieves.  Please understand that a relationship (be it familial, romantic, friendly, or any other) need not be abusive in order to “steal” your breath.  I say that relationships can be subtle in this way because you, like me, may have perfectly nice, well-meaning people in your life who are leeching slowly at the life-breath and passion you carry within you as the gift of the God who created you.  These gifts are stolen through little compromises, through fear that says there may never be another relationship of this sort again, that you are not valuable or special enough to love or live any better.  Relationships are glorious in that they allow for the intimacy of knowing and connecting, yet especially in romance it is critical to recognize where we might be stealing our own breath by remaining in unhealthy be-my-everything roles or by not allowing ourselves to be cared for.  “Well, I can’t choose my family,” you may protest.  Certainly, you do not choose the bloodline from which you come, but when you accept the overwhelming grace of Jesus Christ, you are given a new bloodline – a spiritual one – that is flawless and breath-giving.  Marriage is sacred covenant between husband and wife, which is too easily put aside in the world today because people feel that their spouses are not fulfilling their needs – not giving them “breath,” so to speak.  When we rely on any relationship to be a source of breath – or allow it to steal from the way God is calling us to live – we find ourselves in danger of either playing God or replacing God.

Situations that steal our breath – ah, why do we embrace the same options repeatedly and expect different results?  That is the definition of insanity, yet we persist.  Perhaps your breath-stealing situations were not your choice, being forced on you by the cruel, selfish choices of others (that is, by sin).  Our breath is stolen when disappointment or pain creeps in: money once again not lasting until month’s end, the friend’s house in which you wish you never set foot, the same old story of being taken advantage of by those who know you’re too “kind” to deny them.  Just one more problem, one more struggle to manage until it feels like dark water sucking us into the void.  One of my greatest breath-stealers was my final example (examples become authentic when we’ve lived them!), in feeling intruded upon or taken advantage of by everyone from my closest loved ones to all the other random people who crossed my path.  And this fits closely with the roles that I was permitting to steal my breath.  Suffocating.

I like to care for everything and everyone – I am zealous about making certain all is well.  When I fail to recognize my own desire to be needed, I easily find myself in roles where I am being exhausted in “do-gooding,” stealing my own breath in my quest to be the rescuer and meet every need.  More, more, more; do, do, do.  Yet for all my striving, my roles as rescuer or provider or daughter or anything else – these roles will steal my breath if I allow them to drag me away from the healthy parameters of grace that God sets.  In the moments when my adopted notions of responsibility are crushing me, I remind myself of who God is: ‘“I, even I am the Lord, and beside me there is no savior”’ (Isaiah 43:11).  This not only tells me who God IS but also who I am NOT.  I am not the savior, the provider, the life-giver; those roles (and their responsibilities) belong to God alone.  I am not the breath-giver.

There have been relationships that I needed to release because I was holding on, letting those relationships steal from my breath, crushing my zealous passion and the way God created me.  These are not people I have stopped loving, but rather people whom I have allowed God to teach me to love differently, to love in such a way that I no longer seek them to fill all my needing for breath.  Why would I deliberately choose any relationship that steals from my life breath, whether physically, spiritually, or emotionally?  Or, perhaps better stated, why would I deliberately choose any relationship that does not give me breath?  Why would I not choose to fill my life with people who are breath-giving to me, speaking truth and hope?

Relationships, circumstances, roles – in each of these areas we must guard against the temptation to either play God or replace God.  Dear hearts, do not let others steal the breath God has given you.  Guard your heart from small hope that would lead you to submit to circumstances.  No matter how fortuitous – or disastrous – your current circumstances maybe be, they have no authority to steal your breath.  Don’t give in to the lie that urges you to live one breathless moment to the next, that says panic or mania are the only options.  Embrace the heights and depths and simply breathe.  It is not your responsibility to be the breath for others.  You may live well and love well, but know that ultimately only God is the Breath-Giver.  Let Him do what only He can do.  Breathe freely and fully, dear ones, and take courage.

Dust

“I’m just dust without Your breath; I’m just clay without Your kiss. I’m just skin and bone without Your wind in my lungs.” ~ “Love Song” by Jonathan David and Melissa Helser

Perhaps your heart is wailing, as mine was, “But I cannot breathe!  My breath is gone.”  Perhaps you don’t even have the breath left for such a wail.  SuffocatedDry.  LifelessThe question is, how do we recapture the breath?  Perhaps you are like me.  I didn’t know, after this long season, if I could breathe again.  I felt hollow, void of life, void of breath.  I couldn’t hide my numbness, my hollow nothingness.  Could I breathe again?

“Prophesy to the breath, son of man.”

These are the words that flooded my mind.  “Prophesy to the breath.”  Those words – I knew those words.  Ezekiel, chapter 37:1-14, in which God takes the prophet Ezekiel in a vision-dream to look upon a valley full of dry bones:

“Then He caused me to pass by them all around,
and behold, there were very many in the open valley; and indeed they were very dry.”

So very dry – oh, Lord, we are so very, very dry.  I am just dust; I am undone.

‘And He said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”
So I answered, “O God, You know.”’

Can they?  Can these bones live?  Because I don’t know.  But You do.

‘Again He said to me, “Prophesy to these bones, and say to them, ‘O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord!  Thus says the Lord God to these bones:
“Surely I will cause breath to enter into you, and you shall live.
I will put sinews on you and bring flesh upon you, cover you with skin and put breath in you; and you shall live.
Then you shall know that I am the Lord.”’” 

Is it so?  Can there be life from this death, breath into the void?

So I prophesied as I was commanded; and as I did, there was a noise, and suddenly a rattling; and the bones came together, bone-to-bone.  Indeed, as I looked, the sinews and the flesh came upon them, and the skin covered them over; but there was no breath in them.”

Without breath, there is no life.  All the proper components are there, but there remains only one Breath-Giver.

‘Also He said to me, “Prophesy to the breath, prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, ‘Thus says the Lord God: “Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live.”’ So I prophesied as He commanded me.  And breath came into them, and they lived, and they stood upon their feet, an exceedingly great army.”’

Lord, breathe on us, for indeed, we are dry bones without the Breath of your Spirit.  Sons of man – children of dust, yet chosen by You.  Are we forgotten?  Are we too dry, drier than these?  Is there hope for us?

Such sentiments as these were what God’s people were wailing: dry bones, lost hope, cut off, abandoned (v. 12) – utterly breathless.  But God was not finished; their story was not over – this was the message given through Ezekiel:

‘“I will put My Spirit in you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land.  Then you shall know that I, the Lord, have spoken it and performed it,” says the Lord.’

So I, too, will prophesy to the breath.  I can be no one’s breath, not even my own, but I shall prophesy to it.  I will speak to the breath in those around me, for I know the One who alone gives Breath.  I will speak life to the dry places, because I know Jesus is Life (John 10:10, 11:25, 14:6).  How will you prophesy to the breath today, sons and daughters?  What places in and around you are dry and lifeless?  Where do you need breath?  Whatever may have stolen your breath – be it relationship, circumstance, or role – you have the power to speak life.  Prophesy to the breath, brave ones, prophesy, for you know the Giver of Breath.

You are created for life.  Don’t go another day breathless.

 

I Knew You’d Be Here!

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Earlier this year, while still in Michigan, I had an afternoon off and visited my former students at the previous school where I’d worked.  For one of the classrooms I served, I made each child a special birthday treat of his or her choice – the only condition being that it had to be a treat I could bake (no Skittles!).  Knowing that his birthday was not until after I moved schools, one intrepid lad made his request early, and I promised to bring this delectable treat on one of my visits.  Though I had visited my students several times, I knew this occasion was the perfect opportunity to bake for Daniel.  I had him called to the office to meet me, and I presented the treat – much to his delight.

While Daniel skip-hopped down the hallway clutching what I thought had been a surprise, I asked whether he thought

I had forgotten.  “No,” he replied with a cheeky grin, as full of confidence as ever.  “I knew you’d come eventually; I just didn’t know when.”  Daniel knew that when I made a promise, I would keep it.  He knew my heart for him and knew that I wouldn’t forget him.  He wasn’t sure when the promise was going to be filled – but, oh, he had been anticipating its fulfillment!

Smiling down into Daniel’s face, a face shining with such pure confidence and excitement, I wondered where my own cheeky grin had been lost.  Deep in my heart I heard the love-whisper of my heavenly Father: “Where is your cheeky grin that tells the world you are confident in my promises?  Do you trust Me?

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Where are your eyes looking, dear heart?

Do I trust Him?  I know Him.  I know He is truly as good as He says.  God, I know you – but do I trust you?  I’m looking ahead and I’m feeling afraid because I can’t see where we’re going yet.  Twenty-one years we have been dreaming together, He and I, since I was just a tiny girl.  Oh, the places we’ve gone and the adventures we’ve had!  I wouldn’t change a single aspect of this story, not even the heart-wrenching, teeth-clenching moments.  All this time we’ve been walking together, and twelve years ago I let Him fully capture my heart.  (Isn’t it beautiful that He woos us before we even know what love is because He alone is Love (1 John 4:8)?  Romans 5:8 encapsulates the greatest Love Story of all time: “And God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”)  After twenty-one years of dreaming with Him, do I trust His faithfulness?  I humbly must confess that I don’t – not always.  Help my unbelief.

When I am afraid, I want to have control because it makes me less fearful – if I have control, I can manage my expectations and even the outcomes.  And I like to manage both those things.  I then content myself with small hope instead of Jesus Christ, my Living Hope, because it seems less terrifying.  Help my unbelief.

Somehow I trust that the sun will rise each morning, that I will have air to breathe, that the warmth will come again even though the winter may be bitter-cold – yet I struggle to trust that the Creator of all those steady processes will keep His promises to me.  I honestly thought it would be easier after so many years together, but it’s true what they say (whoever “they” are): the older you get, the more you realize how much you don’t know.

While my parents were traveling, I stayed home with my then-five-year-old sister, who is the joy of my heart.  In the stillness of one early morning, I heard the sound of a pair of small feet finding the floor as my sister jumped out of bed.  I sleep in the room directly below her, so I hear and know every noise – even the little snuffling sounds she makes while she sleeps.  Often when she wakes up, she calls down the vent (which doubles as our handy home intercom system), but this morning it was very quiet.  I considered going upstairs or calling to her.  Suddenly, the bedroom door burst open, and a tangle of blond curls appeared.  Beaming her sweet smile at me, my sister declared, “I knew you’d be here, Honey.  I knew you’d never leave me alone.”  The reason it had been so quiet in the house was that she had tiptoed about, looking for everyone else.  As she explained, she didn’t feel afraid when she couldn’t find anyone because she knew we would never leave her alone.

As she pressed her face to mine and I snuggled her close, my eyes filled with tears of wonder.  This precious blessing is so confident, so secure in her trust of our family’s love for her.  In that moment, my mind imagined me climbing up onto Father God’s lap and declaring, “I knew you’d be here!”  That is what He wants for us, His children: to burst in shouting, “I knew it!  I knew you wouldn’t leave me alone!”

I want to trust like that, like cheeky Daniel, like my joy-filled sister; I want to trust my Father’s faithfulness toward me, to trust His relentless kindness as both Promise-Maker and Promise-Keeper.  I want to live my life not merely knowing my God is good; instead I want to embrace the freedom and delight of trusting that pure Goodness.  I have promises that I have carried for all the years of my life, entwined so thoroughly into my being that I cannot separate them from my dreaming.  Many of them have seen no fulfillment yet.  But as I wait, I want my cheeky grin to be ever-handy, because I don’t know when but I know He always comes – because He’s just that faithful.

IMG_1106“Sing, O heavens; be joyful, O earth!  And break out in singing, O mountains!
For the Lord has comforted His people and will have mercy on His afflicted.
But Zion said, ‘The Lord has forsaken me, and my Lord has forgotten me.’
“Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb?  Surely they may forget, but I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; your walls are continually before Me.
Your sons  shall make haste; your destroyers and those who have laid you waste shall go away from you.  Lift up your eyes, look around and see….”
~ Isaiah 49:13-18

Beloved, our Father doesn’t hide from us; He never tricks or teases because He is never cruel.  Do you know that He has never left, has never let go of you?  Can you believe He is really that good?  Though even those we love best may fail us, He never will.  Trust that He always loves and never forsakes.  He will be found by you when you seek Him, and you lack nothing in His goodness.  He always comes.  You are not forgotten.  So prepare your cheeky grin, run with your bare feet – because He’s here.  Oh, dear hearts, do you know?

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Look up, child, because He never forgets.

Elli’s First Post/My New Autumn Look

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I was thinking it over and when better to start posting then to do it towards the end of Autumn! I love fall not only because that’s the season of my birthday but also because of the way you get to go on walks through the park and see all of the beautiful trees that have changed color and can hear the crunching of leaves beneath your feet.

I am sometimes reluctant to wear a very uncomfortable outfit that takes a lot of work to pull off; But even though I prefer layers and big comfy things around this time, I still like to look cute and presentable in case I were to have a get-together with family (we usually have one or two of those this time of year) or some sort of party to go to. I like fall colors like jewel and earth tones but I personally like to incorporate brighter colors or stick with one of my favorite tricks that pretty much works with all seasons: Black and white! If you pair the two colors together and add just a little bit of color it makes the look really unique and fun! For example: A black top can be paired with a black and white polka-dot skirt and then add some bright colored heels and it makes for a super cute look for any season depending on how you layer it! Here is one of my recent Autumn favorites…

Because it is no longer spring and summer, it’s best to put on tights or leggings on under this look (which I did). I had so much fun taking pictures of this look and putting it together. I love this season and enjoy the fashion that comes with it including all the big sweaters and tall boots. I hope you all had fun reading and have a very blessed day!

 

My fun Autumn outfit!