Tag Archives: friendship

Commune with Me: From the Garden to the Bathtub and Beyond

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From before the first moment that human eyes partook of Creation, God’s design was for unity, not only between Creator and creation but between created and created. Relationship is, in fact, His best idea for humanity:

It is not good that man should be alone….”
~ Genesis 2:18

Thus, Creator designs woman — and no longer is man alone. Man and woman now walk with Creator in the Garden in the cool of the day, naked before Him and one another, together without shame or hinderance (v. 25)…until the day Creator seeks these beloveds of His, searching in the Garden in the cool evening breezes. ‘”Where are you?”‘ He cries out to them.

Shame had entered the Garden. Now the beloveds hide among the trees to shield their nakedness from the Creator who crafted every part of them with careful attention. I can hear the devastation in Creator’s voice as He responds to their tortured state, ‘”Who told you that you were naked?“‘ (see Genesis 3:8-11). Who told you? “My dear ones, who forced shame upon you?” Creator weeps over his beloveds. And so the first communion shatters. A void of loneliness devours face-to-face relationship, and creation is left starving for its original design.

Yet I need you to know that the Creation Story never ended there, dear hearts. The Story of Creation is, in fact, still being told within and through us to this day, so very many years later.

For all creation waits and groans, longing for the sons of God to be revealed.
Subject to futility, but not forever.
Perfect Communion awaits: our redemption and reconciliation —
Creation and Creator no longer separated.
(see Romans 8:19-23)

Creator’s design was for oneness, for a face-to-face, unashamed reality in which we dwell together with Him and one another in unity: JESUS. Creator’s best idea, His perfect plan. You see, in Ephesians Paul writes that we are to “make every effort to preserve the unity the Spirit gives through the binding power of peace,” because there is one Church, the Body and Bride of Jesus Christ; one faith, one baptism, one Lord, one God and Father of all (Eph. 4:2-6). Ah! Such ideals! Then into that perfection He gives gifts — gifts designed purely to bring us into unity with Himself and one another, that we might be intimately connected and built together most gloriously in love, to fulfill Creation’s original design….perhaps I may simply recommend you read all of Ephesians 4, lest I become entirely carried away.

“Well, that’s nice, Biblically sound and all that, but I really only wanted to know why she mentioned a bathtub.” — here I use creative license to ascertain your potential thoughts. Never fear; I indeed did not forget. I will provide the disclaimer that parts of this story may seem unlovely, so I urge you to read with gentleness toward your own experiences and toward the characters here. Just know that in the script of a Greater Story, it all becomes grace.

In January of 2023 my heart was not rejoicing with the New Year. “Mourning” is a strange word that has been too often used to indicate a certain span of time — an event, an action — when it actually marks a new reality. I was mourning, utterly empty in the wake of the late miscarriage of my son the prior autumn, even as my body and mind still struggled to recover from a trauma they were never designed to experience. In the upstairs bathroom I stared out toward my beloved mountains and wept without seeing as I turned on the sprayer. Just a shower. That is all I attempted — yet it was nothing I truly needed. Overwhelmed with grief and soaking wet, I found myself unable to move, unable to help myself. I was undone. All I could do was curl up in the bottom of the now-dry bathtub with hot tears streaming into my sopping wet hair as the rest of me shivered. I weakly cried out for help to the person who could have best been with me in this grief, to the one to whom I was once married. As he responded in his own pain, I was met at my point of need with screaming and accusations. I was still so wet, so cold. I still needed help. While I lay paralyzed by grief, his rage continued until it became a gun to his head that I later had to pry away while I met his needs. I am empty, Father. Am I empty?

But I wasn’t left alone in that bathtub. Jesus never left me — and I can tell you precious moment after precious moment about His tenderness toward me. To commune is to have a face-to-face, intimate sharing of one’s authentic being. This is why, when we practice the sacrament of Communion, taking the bread and juice (or wine, because that’s what Jesus used, just saying), it is our sacred opportunity to do it as a remembrance of Jesus Christ, whose death and resurrection restored us to our original design for unity (see 1 Corinthians 11:23-26). Every day from the point we choose Him, Jesus communes with us as we become a true dwelling place for His Spirit.

Know me.

Communion is not merely about our vertical experience of relationship though; it is about our horizontal capacity to connect with one another: one Body, one faith, one hope, bound together by the Spirit in peace. “Commune with me,” cries one soul to another, even as our deepest places crave communion with Creator. To commune is to enter a space where we are free to unite in wholeness with one another. See me face-to-face. Know me as I am.

“It is not good that man should be alone…” Where did I find my phone, why was it in the bathroom — I could not tell you. I tried to call my papa — no answer, and he always answers. I tried to call my parents — it wasn’t late, so where were they? My spirit knew I wasn’t truly left lonely, but my body was alone — and I was in need. I longed for the soft flutter of my baby, knowing I will not see his face this side of Heaven. I desperately craved the comfort of my grandma’s voice to carry my loss, but I said goodbye to her the previous year, and she is in Heaven rocking my little Xavier.

So I called my neighbor — why did I call my neighbor? She was nice, I worked with her, we lived next to each other and shared snippets of our lives, both joys and pains — but this was a different kind of need. Mine was a desperate plea of a most intimate nature, the ugly kind that we do not like to share or that we pretend we do not have. Friends, I told you I was in a bathtub. I was wet. I was naked. I was in need. “Commune with me,” my soul screamed. I called her on the phone — why did she answer? — and she set her baby down by his dad and declared, “I’ll be right there.” She walked to my house; she searched for me — past the chaos being created by the person who should have already helped me; she called out to me. She came to be face-to-face. Within moments, the hands of Jesus took the form of the hands of my favorite Angel. She didn’t even flinch at finding me there so entirely undone, and only grace met my grief-filled eyes. She helped me up, wrapped me in a towel and dried me as I stood unmoving, dressed me in pajamas she’d had to dig around for, settled me in a chair, brushed and braided my hair. She spoke words of life and love, face-to-face with my pain and not afraid of it. Face-to-face, hand-to-hand, heart-to-heart. Commune with me.

My whole view of Angel exists in recognition of that moment, of that connection. Tears of gratitude fill my eyes as I write my story, a Great Story. Her name is a glorious representation of her love and the gifts that she shares as she ministers comfort to those around her. Angel has become the sister of my heart as we both walked out of the nightmares created by brokenness and into the freedom of wholeness. I still don’t know why she chose to come on that empty winter night, but I will be forever grateful that she did.

My favorite Angel

You see, dear ones, we were designed for communion. We were designed to walk together, hand in hand, unashamed before our Creator-Father. If you crave communion, you long for your perfect design! That is as it should be. So commune with the ones who choose to be face-to-face, heart-to-heart. Do not settle as you seek the Ruth to your Naomi, the Jonathan to your David, the Mordecai to your Esther, the Lover to your Beloved — and may you be as those precious ones to others around you. Set yourself to walk with those who seek true connection, and above all set yourself to seek first the One who has always been seeking you. It is time to reject shame and embrace communion unto wholeness.

Enjoy the garden in the cool of the day, brave hearts.

The Flipside

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This past fall I posted a blog entitled, “The Truth About Fairy-tales” in which I wrote about the Fairy-tale Heart of God.  I mentioned the wonderful way that He created men and women to find relationship (friendship, romance, etc.) with each other.  This is really a continuation of those ideas.  Through some recent goings-on in my life, the Lord has been showing me, very gently, my own inherent need for relationship – and the needs of others for the same thing.

When I use the term “relationship,” I am talking about all kinds of relationship.  We need romance as well as friendship.  We need to care for others and also be cared for.  We need light-hearted fun as well as wise counsel.  As human beings who bear the image of our Creator, part of our design is that we both need and crave relationships, for they are the sweet intimacy in which we share our hearts and lives with the people we are closest to.  And do you know that both the needing and the craving for relationship are good and healthy?  It is only how we choose to meet those inherent longings that can lead us to dark places and down paths we never intended to walk.

Do you feel fragile, ready to shatter at the slightest pressure?

Do you feel fragile, ready to shatter at the slightest pressure?

Just like everything else in creation, relationships have been tainted by the ugliness of sin.  Relationships often show signs of sin’s brokenness because they are the product of imperfect people.  Abuse, manipulation, deceit, neglect, betrayal of trust – these are most hurtful when they are perpetrated by the people we love, the people who should take care of us.  When we are hurt in relationships, we begin to shield ourselves, walking wounded.  Left to our own devices, we often become angry, bitter, or jaded.  We welcome self-pity and despair into our lives.  And then, most dreadful of all, we allow that brokenness to seep into our spirits and eat away at our God-given identity.  “Unloved, unwanted, broken, hopeless, useless, used, filthy, ashamed, guilty, dissatisfied – never whole” – these are some of the malicious lies that stain our lives when we let brokenness define us.

We then put up intangible walls to protect ourselves from greater hurt, not realizing that we are simply permitting our wounds to fester as we dwell in unholy, unnecessary agony.

Do you feel hollow, strong on the outside but empty and dead on the inside?

Do you feel hollow, strong on the outside but empty and dead on the inside?

Or perhaps your life has been fine and you’ve been surrounded by decent people.  You keep telling yourself that you should be content, that so many other people have faced deep hurts that you never had to experience.  Yet even as you tell yourself this, you feel hollow – something is missing, but you aren’t quite sure that is okay.  In spite of every relationship you have, nothing feels like it is truly enough – nothing feels quite satisfying.  You may think that Shakespeare was right: “Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all” – that it is better to be wounded than simply to live and love shallowly.  Then, of course, you might feel bad for thinking such a thing, as though you were wishing pain upon yourself.  My question is, why should you have to be hurt deeply to love deeply?  Must others crush us in order for us to experience the fullness of love?  Where is the balance?

In truth, I think we all carry both a bit of brokenness and a bit of emptiness.  We find the flipside of fairy-tales in this paradox of longing and self-preservation.  When we feel broken or empty, we make desperate choices, seeking to meet our needs for relationship through unhealthy means.  Oftentimes this involves looking to people – or to one person – to meet all of our needs.  We create false visions, hoping that we can attain the wholeness we seem to be lacking: “If only I had a [mother, a husband, a best friend…], then I would be fine.”

We reject that which is lovely and right about fairy-tales, and we cling to that deceiving notion, that fairy-tale discontent that whispers, “If I just had…I would be whole.”  We forget about the endless Love Story written for us by the Fairy-Tale Heart of our Lord and look to people to be the source of our wholeness.  The problem with this mode of thought is that it is both selfish and, ultimately, self-destructive.  Still, our hearts yearn for the intimacy of relationship, and the desire to know and be known is so overwhelming that we are compelled to sate it.

Surely there must be a better way.

Be courageous and allow yourself to find healing in relationship, first with the One whose love is limitless and then with the beautiful, imperfect people around you.

Be courageous and allow yourself to find healing in relationship — first with the One whose love is limitless and then with the beautiful, imperfect people around you.

Whether you are wounded or simply feel hollow, the only thing that can bring restoration is our loving Savior, Jesus Christ, who bore every sin to ransom us from an empty, shattered existence.  We still need and long for relationship, but we cannot meet it through people alone.  No one person could ever love us enough or give us enough or care for us enough to make us whole.  No person, regardless of how much that person tries or wants to do so, can fully satisfy us.  And no matter how many people you gather around yourself, they can never give you all that you need.  The truth is that we cannot adequately love or be loved until we know the love of the One who first loved us and gave His life for us (Romans 5:8).  Because of sin’s curse, we need to first be healed – made whole – by Jesus in the area of relationship so that we can enjoy the happy human interaction that we so desire.  We cannot have the healthy relationships that we were created for until we find our wholeness in Jesus, who will never fail us and whose presence will never leave us.

Jesus is calling you into His Fairy-tale.  Will you let Him romance you today?