Tag Archives: healing

Jul12

Arise and Thresh

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I had the opportunity this week to share with a group of upcoming school counselors in their graduate program, and one of the questions I was not surprised for our panel to receive was wondering how our theoretical framework impacts our daily work with students. (Have no fear — I will not delve into counseling theories here.) This was the response from the seasoned school counselors: every decision we make and the entire way we approach people is a dynamic representation of our beliefs and values. How I view each individual with whom I work, even how I view myself and the world around me, influences the type of support I offer. There are many challenging topics I encounter, in the midst of crazy situations and plenty of suffering — and this all being fairly common on a day-to-day basis in both school and ministry.

As a practicing school counselor with a career now just shy of a decade, I have noticed an increase in my younger students discussing mental health, self- or family-diagnosing mental health conditions, and freely using language surrounding trauma and being “traumatized.” I remain a firm advocate of precise, direct, open communication about ANY topic — that is how I was raised, that is how I live my life, and it is Biblical (See James 5:16 and Psalm 55:10-13; Hebrews 10:25; Matthew 28:19-20 and Acts 1:8; Revelation 12:11; Psalm 71:15-24). There is nothing that cannot be discussed. But that doesn’t mean every line of logic is beneficial.

“You are a victim,” is the message the world offers.

You experienced trauma? Witnessed or were involved in a traumatic event? That means you are traumatized. That’s it. That’s your new identity. You will always be the person who was hurt, discarded, grieving, broken, abandoned. Not enough. Too much. Used. Unlovable. Unworthy. Some pain came from your own choices; some from the soul-crushing choices of others. And thus we allow a re-branding: “You are a victim,” comes the insidious whisper from society, from social media — even from the depths of our fears.

“You are a victim,” said many voices around me as I came through an ugly situation in the past year. They let me know how they’d been victims of abuse, adultery, and abandonment as well; they told me how hard it would be to walk free, how long it would take me to become whole. (Funny, but I recall being told the same things about the death of my son and a few other terrible situations….) Part of me wanted to yield to the false validation: I HAD experienced trauma, and recovery is a unique journey. But instead I looked each person in the eye and said, “I’ll let you know when it gets hard.” (Just in case you wondered, walking into the full freedom of healing, wholeness and wellbeing was the easiest choice I ever made again after receiving Jesus as Savior.) I had my moments where it was easy to fall prey to the soothing pity of victimization, but Jesus and my loved ones, my armor-bearers, wouldn’t let me wallow. Zero wallowing allowed. I am honored to be the holder of many tender stories, and I honor each story-giver — yet still I know that only the Story-Teller has written the endings (Psalm 139; Revelation 21:1-7).

‘”Where were you when I founded the earth? Tell me, if you know so much,”‘ the Story-Teller reminds us with completely honest and humbling love (Job 38:4, CJB).

It could be all too easy to flounder in the seeming ethical dilemma of balancing my faith — my beliefs, my values, and the core of who I am — with my profession in the field of mental health. It could be, yet I find that it isn’t. “Trauma” has been a buzzword in the educational realm alone for over thirty years, continuously evolving from merely being aware of trauma to being “trauma-informed” to becoming “trauma-sensitive.” Then one beautiful soul spoke at a conference I attended. She shared the words of my heart: it is time to take our communities into the space where we embrace a trauma-healing approach. Every part of my being raised a powerful “yes!” Healing is always on my agenda. There is a reason the idea of restorative practices have spread from the Church into the education and business worlds — shockingly enough, into spaces where humans and human relationships exist. Imagine that.

While the full Gospel message is not always requested by my students, it undergirds my every action and informs my every word. It consumes my every thought — for where else would I go apart from Him, when only Jesus has the words of eternal life (John 6:68)? Beloved, you were never designed to be a victim. You were designed to be victorious.

‘”I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart! I have overcome the world.“‘
~ the words of Jesus, John 16:33 NIV

It is okay to hurt but not okay to stay hurting. It is okay to be angry but not okay to stay angry. Trauma happens. We hurt. We grieve. We weep. It happens in a world craving the reality of all things made new in the dominion of Jesus Christ, the Living Word and the ultimate Story-Teller. So by the blood of that perfect Lamb and the word of our testimony we overcome and walk in victory to receive every spoil of war held in His dominion (once again, Revelation 12:10-11, 21:1-7). We are never forced to choose victory. We are not required to choose wholeness. We can live an entire earthly life without either. We can also sit on hard-won battleground, soaked in the blood Jesus already sacrificed, and cry in the debris of what has passed. Or we can choose to arise in glorious victory and revel in the spoils of war — because we know that the more we seek Jesus, the more we find true reward in every sense of the term (see Hebrews 11:6).

Behold, the ministering work of Jesus Christ, the pure and complete Gospel message — and you are about to deliver it. Then you are going to collect all the spoils of the victory. This is not a collection of my best ideas; this is simply what the Word of God says. Perhaps you have time to waste being miserable, broken, traumatized, victimized, and marginalized. I do not. I ran out of time for those things long ago. I only have time for healing, wholeness, and wellbeing. I only have time for Kingdom business. I am not a victim; I am a victor. I am defined by the blood of Jesus; I was made to testify of His goodness in my life. I am always and only defined by His definition of me. And He tells me that He cures incurable wounds (Jeremiah 30:12-17). Traumatized? Victimized? Not who I am. Here is what Scripture says in Micah 4 (TpT) instead:

‘I, Yahweh, declare: “In that day of hope I will gather the lame and bring together the wandering outcasts
and those whom I have bruised. I will make a new beginning
with those who are crippled and far from home.
My remnant will be transformed into a mighty nation.
And I, Yahweh, will reign over them on Mount Zion from now and throughout eternity.‘ (v. 6-7)

I am not left abandoned. He didn’t forget. What has passed is in the past.

‘And to you, Tower of the Flock, where the daughter of Zion is lifted up,
your royal dominion will arrive. His kingship will come to you, Daughter Jerusalem.
Why are you wailing? Why are you writhing like a woman in labor?
Have you no king to help you? And your wise leader, has he perished?’ (v. 8-9)

So much I didn’t choose. So much I did choose. But my King of kings has redeemed all of it (v. 10), and He brings me back.

‘Many nations have now gathered to attack you.
They say, “Let’s destroy Jerusalem so that we can gloat over capturing Zion.”
But they do not know Yahweh’s plans, and they do not understand his strategy:
he has brought them together to punish them,
like grain is brought to be beaten on the threshing floor to separate the good from the worthless.’ (v. 11-12)

The enemy of our soul, the Adversary comes only to steal, kill, and bring destruction — but Jesus came to give me life, and life to the fullest measure of abundance (John 10:10). The justice of the Lord is far better the justice of man, because His ways are not only better but perfect (see Isaiah 55). In light of His justice, hear His call to a victorious life:

Stay alone and be lonely. Mourn what has been stolen.
Consider what you have lost and let it torment you perpetually.

That is not the message of the Gospel — so why do we build our life on those lies? The next verse of Micah 4 is my favorite in the King James translation:

“ARISE AND THRESH, O DAUGHTER OF ZION: for I will make thine horn iron, and I will make thy hoofs brass: and thou shalt beat in pieces many people: and I will consecrate their gain unto the Lord, and their substance unto the Lord of the whole earth.” (v. 13, KJV)

In the Passion Translation, it reads: “…And you must devote to Yahweh what they have stolen and bring their wealth to me, the Lord of the whole earth.” ARISE AND THRESH. It burns deeply within my spirit. This is not a weak response of a victim but of a powerful warrior rising up in the victorious grace of the One who has already claimed total victory. Does it hurt, dear one? He knows. He holds every tear (Psalm 56:8). Was it your choice, beloved? He knows. He removes it as far from you as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). Is the wholeness journey long, or will it happen in an instant? Maybe it has always been both-and: forever and a single moment with the One who created time for us in the fullness of eternity. I do not have time for anything that isn’t Jesus, for anything other than Kingdom business, for anything other than healing, wholeness, and restoration.

Jesus asked me recently if I wanted to know more about the depth and breadth of some actions that had deeply hurt me. (Not if I needed to know but if I wanted — He gave me the option, yet He knew what would be my response. He is so wonderful in the free choice He gives to us.) Without hesitation I said, “No, thank you, Jesus. I’m good.” He replied, “Okay.” Now He and I do not speak of it — not because it never existed or because the subject is taboo but because those circumstances have no bearing on my identity. They hold no sway over my victory. I am whole — period. The end. I will not know all the whys and hows. I will never know the reasonings behind those painful decisions. This is what I do know:

Time is short.
Too short to choose to be the victim. Too short to cling to suffering. Too short to waste my time on questions to which I do not really need the answers.
The only Answer that brings true healing, freedom, and wholeness is Jesus.

As a highly-trained mental health professional but more importantly as an avid, all-in lover of Jesus, there it is. Therapy can offer incredible tools. Time can bring space for reflection and perspective. Kindness can meet the needs in raw moments. Only Jesus will heal you totally and completely. You may choose the extent of your testimony. As for me, I do not have time to waste. I am going to ARISE AND THRESH for every day that Jesus gives me. As a warring daughter of Zion, I am claiming the spoils. The now-prayer of my heart is that you live bravely, dear hearts. Let today be your day to arise and thresh.

Feb10

Got the Message

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I have found many words written in and around my schools where I serve as the itinerant school counselor.  Horrible sentiments, at times, and vile comments; lies full of heartache and hopelessness; cruel, death-speaking words.  Some of these words have been there so long, scribbled or scratched onto surfaces.  Did no one else notice?  Are we blind to the pain of these words?

Have these ugly words become wallpaper to our eyes?

Jesus, forgive me for the times I am blind; teach me to see with the eyes of your Holy Spirit.

I see these words.  I see them when I am meeting with students, when I am in the halls, when I am entering rooms, when I am administering tests, when I am teaching lessons.  I see, and then I cannot un-see.  I see the pain in the story these words tell – layers of despair that are cutting someone (or many “someones”) deeply.  When I see them I passionately hate these death-giving words because they are a poison that too many have ingested.  How can I protect my students and the people around me?  What stops the reckless destruction inherent to the ugly words that are spewed onto the walls and surfaces of places that should be safe and full of growth?

This is my opportunity to tell you, dear hearts: I got your message – I see.

At first I tried to simply erase the words by giving them a firm scrubbing with wipes or putting some “elbow grease” into using a (large) eraser.  It wasn’t enough.  The words would reappear – sometimes the same, sometimes different, but just as ugly.  Why did the erasure not work?  It did not work – perhaps could not work fully – because I was attempting to erase something much deeper than words.

You cannot simply erase pain by pretending there was never hurt.
You cannot erase lies by pretending they never existed.

Jesus tells a short story of a person tormented by a demon.  The demon was “cast out” — evicted.  The “house” of this person’s heart was cleared out and swept clean, left sparkling and empty.  Not long after, to this vacant house returned the demon, bringing along seven stronger and more horrid than itself, leaving the state of the heart-home far worse than before the “cleaning” (Luke 11:24-26).

Evicting the evil was not enough; the space needed to be filled with good.  Our hearts are the same: if we strip out the ugliness, we need to replace it with fresh beauty.  Too often we do lots of erasing and cleaning in our spaces but make no effort to adjust our living habits.  Because of this lack of real change, what was filled with junk will be filled with even more junk again until we decide that we need a new lifestyle, a new perspective – just like the walls and desks of my schools.

Our hearts and minds are not meant to be junk shops, but they are also not meant to be sterile space.  They are meant to be gloriously filled with life and love and hope.

I may not be able to simply erase the lies and the pain, but I can tell a different story.  I can write the truth.  I am telling a new story in Newtok and Mertarvik, in Tununak, in Quinhagak and Oscarville and Napaskiak.  I am telling a new story – the real story – to myself, to my loved ones, and to my communities.  It is in my power to do so.  It is my right to tell the real story.  Dear hearts, do you know you have the power to declare life to yourself and to those around you?  That is our gift of authority through Jesus Christ, our Savior and our Healer.  We know the real Story, the one in which we are called “Beloved.  Remembered.  Inscribed.”  Whole, healed, free.  Never forgotten and always loved.  Worthy, forgiven, and full of destiny.  Beloved.

Dear hearts, I got the message, and I am going to tell you the truth, now and always.

I refuse to let ugliness become the wallpaper of my life and heart.  I refuse to let lies become the story for myself, my students, and my loved ones.  Never again.  It is time for a spring cleaning in our spaces.  Strip out the dirty carpets and tear down the tatty wallpaper of your hearts, friends; toss out the broken furnishings and sweep out the rubbish.  Then fill your empty places with life – new words of truth, fresh hope.  And after you have taken authority in your heart, take authority in the space around you.  Take authority to declare life over those who are not yet ready to declare it over themselves.  When you feel too weak to remember, I will remind you.  You are not alone.

What lies need evicted from your life today?
What are the new stories you will write today?
What truths do you need to remember today?
It is time for you to tell the real Story, beloved.

Tell me truly…

Jul6

Papa Daddy

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Most of my time is spent taking care of people who are under the age of ten – infants, toddlers, young children.  (I’m a nanny, a babysitter, the oldest cousin in my family, a big sister to a precious four-year-old – I’ve always had kids around me and hope I always do!)  The thing that is always consistent among children is that they always have just one more need, one more want.  “Just one more, please” are words I hear all the time.  Just one more.  Will I sing one more song?  Give one more kiss to a scraped knee?  Read one more book before bed?  Hold you close for one more moment?  Tickle you once more or play with you at the park?  Answer one more curious inquiry?  And then, of course, there are the other tasks that come with having small children in one’s care.  Will I clean one more sticky face?  Wipe up one more spilled glass of milk?  Settle one more squabble and soothe one more sorrow?  Prepare one more meal?  Do one more of the seemingly endless loads of laundry?  Give one more reminder to “use kind words” or to be careful near fragile objects?  So many needs, these endless “one mores” that kids have.

A couple weeks ago I’d had a particularly long week, having been at one house or another each day for late nights, early mornings, and even overnight stays to take care of different families’ kids.  Just prior to bedtime on Saturday, I could sense the exasperation creeping into my tone of voice.  Particularly, I didn’t want to kiss another imagined “owie” (we were having a dramatic evening), but I did it anyway.  By the time I had everyone settled for the night, I had regained my calm.  As I rocked the youngest one to sleep, she snuggled into me and, as she drifted off, sleepily begged for one more song.  Why not?  So, while singing “Jesus Loves Me” – her favorite song – “just one more time,” I admired her sweet self, so perfectly content and relaxed in her sleep.  And I was suddenly overwhelmed by the love of my Heavenly Father.

Our Heavenly Father is never exasperated by us.

To all you parents, including my own: thank you for loving and caring for your children so faithfully, for every "one more" you've tended to! (Photo: my Papa holding my cousin, Isaac, his 8th grandbaby)

To all you parents, including my own: thank you for loving and caring for your children so faithfully, for every “one more” you’ve tended to! (Photo: my Papa holding my cousin, Isaac, his 8th grandbaby)

Your needs, your wants, your mishaps and unintentional bumblings, your hopes and dreams, your hurts – real or imagined – are all important to Him because you are important to Him.  Even the most loving parents and caretakers are exasperated at times – but our Father never is.  You are never “too much” or “not enough.”  You can never be too needy for God.  He is never put out by your neediness; He is not upset by your humanity.  He is not burdened with your care.  It is His pleasure to meet your needs because you are His pleasure.

I think there is a part of us that is always childlike.  Deep within ourselves, we crave the love and acceptance of a parent – and the only One who can perfectly satisfy these longings is our Heavenly Father.  As life goes on, our bumblings and ponderings become more sophisticated, our wounds become more complex than a scraped knee, and our desires and dreams become more expansive.  We grow older, but we will never outgrow our need for our Father to love us, to hold us, to come for us.  And it is His delight to care for us.

Sometimes we miss just how intimately and intricately the Father’s heart is displayed throughout Scripture.  While there are endless revelations to be gleaned from the Scriptures, the living and active words of God (Heb. 4:11), I am going to present a few truths with corresponding verses.  And, actually, if only for the fact that many people can’t see a loving God the Father presented in the Old Testament, I am going to take most of these bits from there.  As you read, focus on how they highlight the Father-Heart of God, His deep and relentless care for you, His precious child.  Perhaps you had loving parents as an example; perhaps you did not.  Perhaps there was someone else in your life who provided protection and nurture.  The truth is, that whether you had fitting examples or wretched examples, God is nothing but good – and He alone is the true Goodness.  He is a good, good Father, perfect in all of His ways – and I say that with utter certainty and without a hint of irony.

Your Heavenly Father wants you to run to His strong arms, to hold you close awhile longer.  You cannot and will not escape the loving embrace and watchful care of the One know alone knows you completely.

  • “The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.” – Deut. 33:27
  • “O Lord, you have searched me and known me….You understand my thought afar off.  You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.  For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.” – Ps. 139:1, 2-3

He longs for you to let Him come to your rescue.  He wants to sing you “one more song” and whisper His words of love over you.  You are not a disappointment to Him – ever.  He delights in you – always.

  • “The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” – Zeph. 3:17
  • “Behold, what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God!” – 1 Jn. 3:1

Be they great or "small," no wound is beneath His attention.

Be they great or “small,” no wound is beneath His attention.

He cares about your wounds, your sorrows and your disappointments.  He wants to “kiss your owies,” big or small, real or perceived, and heal all your wounds – even the ones that are incurable and impossible.  He is a Gentle Healer, whether your wounds are self-inflicted or came at the hands (or words) of others.

  • ‘“For thus says the Lord, ‘Your affliction is incurable, your wound is severe .  There is no one to plead your cause, that you may be bound up.  You have no healing medicines….I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds…’”’ – Jer. 30:12-13, 17
  • “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” – Jn. 3:16

Because you are His precious child and He loves you, He won’t let you go without correction.  (Isn’t that beautiful?)  There is nothing you do that is unknown to Him – there’s no need to hide or worry about getting caught, because He already knows.  And more than that, He cares about you enough to discipline you and train you in righteousness.

  • “…do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor detest His correction.  For whom the Lord loves He corrects, just as a father [does for] the son in whom He delights.” – Pro. 3:11-12
  • “If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten?….no chastening seems enjoyable for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” – Heb. 12:7, 11

lion and cubCan you fathom such a love, this Father-Love of our good God?  And there is so much, much more that could be said about this limitless Love.  My little sister likes to call our grandfathers (or any older man whom she perceives to be like a grandpa) “Papa,” and “Daddy” has always been what we called our dad.  She enjoys combining these terms into one all-encompassing name: Papa Daddy.  There is something precious and tender about this name; it speaks to the desire of a father’s heart to protect and provide.  That is what a good father does – that is what our Good Father does.  Did you know that God wants to be your Papa Daddy?  All the good daddy things I mentioned above, all the verses I shared, He wants to do and be for you.  You are precious to Him.  You are His child, and He delights in you because you are His. 

My friends, I will say again: our Papa Daddy is never annoyed by us.  Even the most devoted parents grow weary at times, but He never does.  His lap is always available, and His arms are always safe.  He is always ready to sing you one more song.  He is always ready to wash the dirt off and pick you up again.  He wants you in your neediness, your crying, your laughing, your asking, your yearning – He wants you in every state.  Don’t let your need keep you distant; let it draw you deeper into the Love of your Papa Daddy.

Mar23

The Flipside

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This past fall I posted a blog entitled, “The Truth About Fairy-tales” in which I wrote about the Fairy-tale Heart of God.  I mentioned the wonderful way that He created men and women to find relationship (friendship, romance, etc.) with each other.  This is really a continuation of those ideas.  Through some recent goings-on in my life, the Lord has been showing me, very gently, my own inherent need for relationship – and the needs of others for the same thing.

When I use the term “relationship,” I am talking about all kinds of relationship.  We need romance as well as friendship.  We need to care for others and also be cared for.  We need light-hearted fun as well as wise counsel.  As human beings who bear the image of our Creator, part of our design is that we both need and crave relationships, for they are the sweet intimacy in which we share our hearts and lives with the people we are closest to.  And do you know that both the needing and the craving for relationship are good and healthy?  It is only how we choose to meet those inherent longings that can lead us to dark places and down paths we never intended to walk.

Do you feel fragile, ready to shatter at the slightest pressure?

Do you feel fragile, ready to shatter at the slightest pressure?

Just like everything else in creation, relationships have been tainted by the ugliness of sin.  Relationships often show signs of sin’s brokenness because they are the product of imperfect people.  Abuse, manipulation, deceit, neglect, betrayal of trust – these are most hurtful when they are perpetrated by the people we love, the people who should take care of us.  When we are hurt in relationships, we begin to shield ourselves, walking wounded.  Left to our own devices, we often become angry, bitter, or jaded.  We welcome self-pity and despair into our lives.  And then, most dreadful of all, we allow that brokenness to seep into our spirits and eat away at our God-given identity.  “Unloved, unwanted, broken, hopeless, useless, used, filthy, ashamed, guilty, dissatisfied – never whole” – these are some of the malicious lies that stain our lives when we let brokenness define us.

We then put up intangible walls to protect ourselves from greater hurt, not realizing that we are simply permitting our wounds to fester as we dwell in unholy, unnecessary agony.

Do you feel hollow, strong on the outside but empty and dead on the inside?

Do you feel hollow, strong on the outside but empty and dead on the inside?

Or perhaps your life has been fine and you’ve been surrounded by decent people.  You keep telling yourself that you should be content, that so many other people have faced deep hurts that you never had to experience.  Yet even as you tell yourself this, you feel hollow – something is missing, but you aren’t quite sure that is okay.  In spite of every relationship you have, nothing feels like it is truly enough – nothing feels quite satisfying.  You may think that Shakespeare was right: “Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all” – that it is better to be wounded than simply to live and love shallowly.  Then, of course, you might feel bad for thinking such a thing, as though you were wishing pain upon yourself.  My question is, why should you have to be hurt deeply to love deeply?  Must others crush us in order for us to experience the fullness of love?  Where is the balance?

In truth, I think we all carry both a bit of brokenness and a bit of emptiness.  We find the flipside of fairy-tales in this paradox of longing and self-preservation.  When we feel broken or empty, we make desperate choices, seeking to meet our needs for relationship through unhealthy means.  Oftentimes this involves looking to people – or to one person – to meet all of our needs.  We create false visions, hoping that we can attain the wholeness we seem to be lacking: “If only I had a [mother, a husband, a best friend…], then I would be fine.”

We reject that which is lovely and right about fairy-tales, and we cling to that deceiving notion, that fairy-tale discontent that whispers, “If I just had…I would be whole.”  We forget about the endless Love Story written for us by the Fairy-Tale Heart of our Lord and look to people to be the source of our wholeness.  The problem with this mode of thought is that it is both selfish and, ultimately, self-destructive.  Still, our hearts yearn for the intimacy of relationship, and the desire to know and be known is so overwhelming that we are compelled to sate it.

Surely there must be a better way.

Be courageous and allow yourself to find healing in relationship, first with the One whose love is limitless and then with the beautiful, imperfect people around you.

Be courageous and allow yourself to find healing in relationship — first with the One whose love is limitless and then with the beautiful, imperfect people around you.

Whether you are wounded or simply feel hollow, the only thing that can bring restoration is our loving Savior, Jesus Christ, who bore every sin to ransom us from an empty, shattered existence.  We still need and long for relationship, but we cannot meet it through people alone.  No one person could ever love us enough or give us enough or care for us enough to make us whole.  No person, regardless of how much that person tries or wants to do so, can fully satisfy us.  And no matter how many people you gather around yourself, they can never give you all that you need.  The truth is that we cannot adequately love or be loved until we know the love of the One who first loved us and gave His life for us (Romans 5:8).  Because of sin’s curse, we need to first be healed – made whole – by Jesus in the area of relationship so that we can enjoy the happy human interaction that we so desire.  We cannot have the healthy relationships that we were created for until we find our wholeness in Jesus, who will never fail us and whose presence will never leave us.

Jesus is calling you into His Fairy-tale.  Will you let Him romance you today?