Tag Archives: wholeness

Commune with Me: From the Garden to the Bathtub and Beyond

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From before the first moment that human eyes partook of Creation, God’s design was for unity, not only between Creator and creation but between created and created. Relationship is, in fact, His best idea for humanity:

It is not good that man should be alone….”
~ Genesis 2:18

Thus, Creator designs woman — and no longer is man alone. Man and woman now walk with Creator in the Garden in the cool of the day, naked before Him and one another, together without shame or hinderance (v. 25)…until the day Creator seeks these beloveds of His, searching in the Garden in the cool evening breezes. ‘”Where are you?”‘ He cries out to them.

Shame had entered the Garden. Now the beloveds hide among the trees to shield their nakedness from the Creator who crafted every part of them with careful attention. I can hear the devastation in Creator’s voice as He responds to their tortured state, ‘”Who told you that you were naked?“‘ (see Genesis 3:8-11). Who told you? “My dear ones, who forced shame upon you?” Creator weeps over his beloveds. And so the first communion shatters. A void of loneliness devours face-to-face relationship, and creation is left starving for its original design.

Yet I need you to know that the Creation Story never ended there, dear hearts. The Story of Creation is, in fact, still being told within and through us to this day, so very many years later.

For all creation waits and groans, longing for the sons of God to be revealed.
Subject to futility, but not forever.
Perfect Communion awaits: our redemption and reconciliation —
Creation and Creator no longer separated.
(see Romans 8:19-23)

Creator’s design was for oneness, for a face-to-face, unashamed reality in which we dwell together with Him and one another in unity: JESUS. Creator’s best idea, His perfect plan. You see, in Ephesians Paul writes that we are to “make every effort to preserve the unity the Spirit gives through the binding power of peace,” because there is one Church, the Body and Bride of Jesus Christ; one faith, one baptism, one Lord, one God and Father of all (Eph. 4:2-6). Ah! Such ideals! Then into that perfection He gives gifts — gifts designed purely to bring us into unity with Himself and one another, that we might be intimately connected and built together most gloriously in love, to fulfill Creation’s original design….perhaps I may simply recommend you read all of Ephesians 4, lest I become entirely carried away.

“Well, that’s nice, Biblically sound and all that, but I really only wanted to know why she mentioned a bathtub.” — here I use creative license to ascertain your potential thoughts. Never fear; I indeed did not forget. I will provide the disclaimer that parts of this story may seem unlovely, so I urge you to read with gentleness toward your own experiences and toward the characters here. Just know that in the script of a Greater Story, it all becomes grace.

In January of 2023 my heart was not rejoicing with the New Year. “Mourning” is a strange word that has been too often used to indicate a certain span of time — an event, an action — when it actually marks a new reality. I was mourning, utterly empty in the wake of the late miscarriage of my son the prior autumn, even as my body and mind still struggled to recover from a trauma they were never designed to experience. In the upstairs bathroom I stared out toward my beloved mountains and wept without seeing as I turned on the sprayer. Just a shower. That is all I attempted — yet it was nothing I truly needed. Overwhelmed with grief and soaking wet, I found myself unable to move, unable to help myself. I was undone. All I could do was curl up in the bottom of the now-dry bathtub with hot tears streaming into my sopping wet hair as the rest of me shivered. I weakly cried out for help to the person who could have best been with me in this grief, to the one to whom I was once married. As he responded in his own pain, I was met at my point of need with screaming and accusations. I was still so wet, so cold. I still needed help. While I lay paralyzed by grief, his rage continued until it became a gun to his head that I later had to pry away while I met his needs. I am empty, Father. Am I empty?

But I wasn’t left alone in that bathtub. Jesus never left me — and I can tell you precious moment after precious moment about His tenderness toward me. To commune is to have a face-to-face, intimate sharing of one’s authentic being. This is why, when we practice the sacrament of Communion, taking the bread and juice (or wine, because that’s what Jesus used, just saying), it is our sacred opportunity to do it as a remembrance of Jesus Christ, whose death and resurrection restored us to our original design for unity (see 1 Corinthians 11:23-26). Every day from the point we choose Him, Jesus communes with us as we become a true dwelling place for His Spirit.

Know me.

Communion is not merely about our vertical experience of relationship though; it is about our horizontal capacity to connect with one another: one Body, one faith, one hope, bound together by the Spirit in peace. “Commune with me,” cries one soul to another, even as our deepest places crave communion with Creator. To commune is to enter a space where we are free to unite in wholeness with one another. See me face-to-face. Know me as I am.

“It is not good that man should be alone…” Where did I find my phone, why was it in the bathroom — I could not tell you. I tried to call my papa — no answer, and he always answers. I tried to call my parents — it wasn’t late, so where were they? My spirit knew I wasn’t truly left lonely, but my body was alone — and I was in need. I longed for the soft flutter of my baby, knowing I will not see his face this side of Heaven. I desperately craved the comfort of my grandma’s voice to carry my loss, but I said goodbye to her the previous year, and she is in Heaven rocking my little Xavier.

So I called my neighbor — why did I call my neighbor? She was nice, I worked with her, we lived next to each other and shared snippets of our lives, both joys and pains — but this was a different kind of need. Mine was a desperate plea of a most intimate nature, the ugly kind that we do not like to share or that we pretend we do not have. Friends, I told you I was in a bathtub. I was wet. I was naked. I was in need. “Commune with me,” my soul screamed. I called her on the phone — why did she answer? — and she set her baby down by his dad and declared, “I’ll be right there.” She walked to my house; she searched for me — past the chaos being created by the person who should have already helped me; she called out to me. She came to be face-to-face. Within moments, the hands of Jesus took the form of the hands of my favorite Angel. She didn’t even flinch at finding me there so entirely undone, and only grace met my grief-filled eyes. She helped me up, wrapped me in a towel and dried me as I stood unmoving, dressed me in pajamas she’d had to dig around for, settled me in a chair, brushed and braided my hair. She spoke words of life and love, face-to-face with my pain and not afraid of it. Face-to-face, hand-to-hand, heart-to-heart. Commune with me.

My whole view of Angel exists in recognition of that moment, of that connection. Tears of gratitude fill my eyes as I write my story, a Great Story. Her name is a glorious representation of her love and the gifts that she shares as she ministers comfort to those around her. Angel has become the sister of my heart as we both walked out of the nightmares created by brokenness and into the freedom of wholeness. I still don’t know why she chose to come on that empty winter night, but I will be forever grateful that she did.

My favorite Angel

You see, dear ones, we were designed for communion. We were designed to walk together, hand in hand, unashamed before our Creator-Father. If you crave communion, you long for your perfect design! That is as it should be. So commune with the ones who choose to be face-to-face, heart-to-heart. Do not settle as you seek the Ruth to your Naomi, the Jonathan to your David, the Mordecai to your Esther, the Lover to your Beloved — and may you be as those precious ones to others around you. Set yourself to walk with those who seek true connection, and above all set yourself to seek first the One who has always been seeking you. It is time to reject shame and embrace communion unto wholeness.

Enjoy the garden in the cool of the day, brave hearts.

Whole

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During Advent many people enjoy using “peace” to describe a (hopefully) still and thoughtful season.  In English, “peace” is a narrow word.  We use “peace” to mean an absence of conflict – no one is openly hostile.  Or we just want “a bit of peace” – meaning we desire everything around us to be quiet and calm.  As an elementary school counselor, I can certainly relate to THAT particular desire!  If “quiet” was my sole definition of peace, my life would contain precious little peace!

“Peace” is an English word that tends to have a shallow use amongst the general public, with the exception of a more mystical application amongst Christians.  (For example, many Christians will refer to Jesus Christ rightly as the “Prince of Peace” or refer to the spiritual fruit of “peace” with vague explanations of what “peace” looks like in practice.)  The trouble with restricting peace to a lack of hostility or war, or to the presence of silence, is that we end with a skimpy understanding.  In Scripture, peace is to be recognized as both a rich concept and a glorious reality.  The words most often translated to our simple “peace” are shalom (Hebrew, primarily Old Testament) and eirene (eye-ray-nay – Greek, New Testament).  Though originating from vastly different languages, these two words are applied with congruent meaning in God’s Word.

Shalom.  This is a common greeting in Jewish culture, spoken as a blessing over one another in coming and going.  Shalom means permanent completeness, total wholeness, and soundness or wellbeing in all areas of life.  Given the Advent season, let’s look at a passage from Isaiah, foretelling the birth of Jesus Christ, our Savior:

“For a child is born to us, a son is given to us; dominion will rest on his shoulders, and he will be given the name Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Shalom.” – Isaiah 9:6

Prince of Shalom, Prince of Peace – try reading it again with the definition of “shalom”:

“For a child is born to us….he will be given the name Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of permanent completeness and wellbeing.”

Eirene.  This word is used heavily throughout the Gospels by Jesus.  It also directly opens (and closes) nearly every epistle (letter) in the New Testament, or the concept is tied into the closing.  Eirene means unity to the point of oneness, total and complete wholeness of one’s entire being and life.

“….Grace to you, and eirene [sound wholeness] be yours in full measure.” – 1 Peter 1:2

“Greet one another with a kiss of love.  Eirene [perfect wellbeing] to all who belong to Christ.”
 – 1 Peter 5:14

And for this precious season of celebration: “In the highest heaven, glory to God!  And on earth, eirene [complete wholeness and unity] among people of good will,” the angels declared in praise to the shepherds as Christ was born (Luke 2:8-14).

Through Christ Jesus we do not simply have the absence of conflict or a quiet hush.  All things are made whole and complete in Him, without even a whisper of brokenness.  In Colossians 1:19-20 we read, “For it pleased God to have his full being live in his Son and through his Son to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making eirene [permanent wholeness and perfect unity] through him, through having his Son shed his blood by being executed on a stake.” (I recommend reading the full passage for a more pristine context!)  Because of Jesus we are welcomed into the glorious reality of shalom, of eirene: total and complete wholeness.  Nothing missing, nothing broken.  Wholeness is not our promise for some day in the distant future.  Read the verses from Colossians again.  Our loving Heavenly Father was delighted to restore his creation to its original form: whole.  Complete.  One with him.  It is already done.  On the cross Jesus declared, ‘“It is finished”’ (see John 19:28-30).  This declaration sealed Jesus’ sacrifice as our reconciliation for all eternity.

We have been made totally and completely whole by Jesus’ sacrifice; it is already done.  Now our invitation is to live in the glorious reality of wholeness – permanently.

As each year ends, I begin asking God what word he has for me in the new year to come.  My word for 2022 came immediately, a firm whisper growing to a battle-cry in my soul: wholeness.  I adore and despise the word, because I look at myself and the world around me, still seeing the tattered shroud of brokenness that I know Jesus came to tear away.  I know that wholeness is my portion.  I know that God’s wholeness is total and complete.  Yes, that is a redundant comment, but we are as skimpy in our definitions of “wholeness” as we are of “peace.”  We let mostly-well and not-too-bad be our so-called wholeness and miss the reality of God’s kindness.  I say have a “whole” apple – even when it is bruised and scarred.  A student tells me he “has shoes” when the soles have worn as thin as paper and his toes are free in the wind, laces snapped and knotted back together.  That isn’t wholeness.  Those things aren’t like the wholeness God desires for his children.

“Whole,” but not “well — Photo Credit: Burwalde Juice

I am afraid in some ways, afraid of continuing to contend for promises that God has made for wholeness in my body, my soul; for wholeness in my family; for permanent soundness in my husband’s body and soul; for unity and permanent wellbeing in my community and my students.  I continue to ask, and in some ways I have not seen yet.  My heart breaks with the suffering – mental, emotional, and physical – that I see in my beloved ones.  I feel a gaping hole at the loss of my grandmother, who would have been the first to read my newest writing; I wanted one more hug, one more chance to tell her how much her constant love means to me.

This longing for wholeness wracks the deepest core of my being – it is so strong the desire carries a physical weightiness.  My conversations with God in the dark hours of the night, the vivid dreams that are not yet visible in my physical understanding, the hurts of my loved ones that I cannot take on my own shoulders, the many years of journals filled with honest words that yield my waiting to hope time and again – these linger with me constantly.  I cannot tell you the number of tears and sleepless nights spent in pursuing this longing.

Mark 5:21-34 gives us a stunning picture of the pursuit of wholeness.  Jesus is on his way to save the life of a deathly ill little girl.  As he is moving through the crowds, a desperate woman makes her way to him, determined to touch his garment and claim her healing after over a decade of constant bleeding that no doctor could explain and no money could cure.  There is nothing left for her brokenness aside from Jesus.  But why interrupt now?  Could she not have waited until Jesus healed the girl?  (The girl died, by the way, while this nameless nobody was interrupting Jesus with her brokenness.)  This woman had been bleeding for twelve years – could she not have simply waited another hour or so?!  Yet that is exactly our trouble with wholeness; we don’t pursue it at all costs.  We do not pursue wholeness when we are afraid that we will inconvenience someone else (even Jesus) on our mission to live in the reality of being complete.  I do not think it is a matter of not wanting it enough; I believe it is a matter of not truly recognizing the importance and the release of wholeness.  Jesus does not send away this woman who is clinging to her hope of wholeness, just in case you wondered.  The woman is terrified when Jesus acknowledges her surreptitious touch of his garment and the subsequent instant flow of his Life into her body.  Look carefully, though, at Jesus’ response:

‘“Daughter, your faith has healed you.  Go in eirene [perfect and complete wholeness] and be freed from your suffering.”’ – Mark 5:34

I want to be as committed to my wholeness as Jesus is.  I am ready for “wholeness” to be not merely a half-dressed word but a reality I live in for myself and my loved ones.  I refuse to settle for “good enough” or “not too bad.”  I am sick of mostly-well and sort-of-fine.  I am finished with “okay.”  That isn’t enough for me anymore.  Maybe it was once sufficient, but now I am ready for the fullness of what God has prepared for me. 

I am ready for permanent wholeness to be my reality.  Perhaps it is time for each of us to reject our fear of the unknown to the all-knowing God.  Perhaps the time has come for you and me to yield our understanding to the Living Hope that Does Not Disappoint.  Perhaps it is time to begin pursuing wholeness with reckless abandon and a heart tender to God’s kindness, dear heart.  I bless you in your journey as you learn to live in the perfect wholeness that God has for you.

Shalom be with you, brave heart.